The first time I learned about the five Love Languages, my mom asked me what I believed my love language was. I told her that it was most likely ‘words of affirmation’. She was puzzled because my parents never really said the words “I love you”. I guess I never really recognized that they didn’t say “I love you” because I always felt very loved by my family. So how did I know that I was still loved if I didn’t grow up hearing those words?
I’ve always been so fascinated by the varying individual differences and how people distinguish things in their own ways (can you tell I majored in Psych?).
Even when it comes to love, everyone has their unique way of expressing & feeling affection…
The other day I decided to retake the Love Languages quiz to see if my results changed at all since I’ve gotten older.
- Quality Time (9)
- Physical Touch (8)
- Words of Affirmation (7)
- Acts of Service (4)
- Receiving Gifts (2)
My top love language has always been quality time. I feel most loved when I have someone’s undivided attention. No distractions, no phones.
A close friend of mine gets easily distracted and doesn’t mind if someone were to interrupt when he’s speaking. Therefore, when I’m talking to him, he oftentimes will be texting, checking his Instagram notifications, or interrupting me as I speak. He didn’t think twice about it but this would really hurt me because it made me feel insignificant. I couldn’t communicate this to him though, because I was scared of being vulnerable.
I’m the type of person who loves to listen to others when they talk. However since I couldn’t communicate how I felt, I started to tune this person out when they would talk. Almost as an effort to let them know how it feels to be ignored. But doing so was starting to make me bitter. I wanted so badly to be able to completely open up to him & wanted him to be able to share everything with me as well.
If I couldn’t get the support I needed from him, I was going to eventually end up seeking the emotional validation in another person. But I didn’t want to find it in someone else. I really enjoyed his company and I didn’t want to lose him so I realized that I had to say something.
How would this friend know how I felt if I didn’t talk about it?
When I finally opened up, my friend had no idea I felt hurt until I talked to him about my feelings. Again, everyone expresses love in a different way. He’s now making a conscious effort to fully listen & has even encouraged me to make it known anytime he interrupts me. And believe me, I have & will continue to let him know ; )
Number 2 surprised me. I honestly didn’t think that physical touch would be one of my top love languages.
To this day, I still feel pretty uncomfortable when people touch me and I really don’t like PDA. I don’t like it when someone taps my arm when they’re trying to get my attention, I give awkward side-hugs, and I tense up when strangers put their hand around my waist to scoot past me.
However, when it comes to a significant other, I really embrace physical touch. I’m talking about the non-sexual physical touch such as a warm embrace, a back massage after a long day, and the pleasant cuddles on the sofa. Nothing makes me feel more connected & safe than being wrapped in a super-tight, almost-suffocating hug with my partner.
Words of Affirmation
Initially, I was confused that words of affirmation was still considered one of my top love languages because the words “I love you” never really meant much to me. It didn’t mean much to me because I never really heard those words growing up so I couldn’t quite comprehend what it meant.
However, I think words of affirmation goes beyond those three words. For instance, I do feel loved when I hear someone say “I appreciate you” or “I love spending time with you”. Hearing how much I mean to someone does make me feel important & loved.
Acts of Service
I appreciate it but don’t really feel loved when others do an act of service for me. I’m a pretty independent individual so I don’t really ask for or seek help. It’s nice when someone is willing to go out of their way to try and assist me with something, but it’s not necessary for me.
It’s interesting because I don’t feel loved when others do an act of service for me but I oftentimes express my love by lending a helping hand for others.
Gifts have always been the lowest on my love languages list. I’ve always felt very uncomfortable receiving gifts. I think it stems from when people would offer me gifts or money as a child, my parents would tell me not to accept it.
It still feels nice to receive a gift that reminded the person of you or a gift that the person put much thought into but I’m still most likely going to feel very awkward receiving it.. : )
Taking the Love Languages quiz again was truly thought-provoking. It made me realize that I should be aware of others’ love languages, helped me reflect on why I express/feel love the way I do, and let me understand myself on a deeper level.
If you get the chance, I do recommend that you take this quiz. I would love to know your results & why you think you perceive love the way you do : )