“You know, it’s funny. When you look at someone with rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.” – Wanda the Owl, Bojack Horseman (I love this show)
I’m guilty of this. When I find myself infatuated or heads over heels for someone I tend to overlook their red flags. My intuition could be telling me that they’re no good and I’ll find a way to justify it. I’ll find a way to do the same when my friends and family tell me to be careful about the person I’m seeing. I’ll oftentimes disregard what they have to say and defend the person by saying my friends & family don’t know him like I do.
Let me tell you, from past experience, similar to my intuition, my friends & family are for the most part, always right. Listen to them! Because when you are in the first stages of dating someone, you’re captivated by them and this can cloud your judgement.
You want so badly for them to be the perfect person you’d imagine them to be that you try to make yourself believe it. You’ll ignore the bad and focus on the good.
In all honesty, I think that sometimes I’ll put up with the red flags because I’m tired of being lonely. You know, I’ve discussed this topic of loneliness with my friends numerous times. It truly surprised me to see how relevant of an issue loneliness is in many peoples’ lives. Especially in people you wouldn’t think would be lonely.
But just because you’re lonely doesn’t mean you should lower your standards and pay no attention to the red flags.
It’s hard. Believe me, I know it’s so hard. To combat the loneliness, I recommend you surround yourself with genuine friends and good company. Be social. Engage with your community. Join a club. Find a bible study. That’s what I ended up doing.
You guys, I know how nerve-racking it is to put yourself out there. I completely understand. Let me tell you, I was absolutely terrified to go to a bible study meeting by myself. All of these irrational fears of possible rejection and fears of feeling excluded would obscure my thoughts and prevented me from going for an entire year.
I finally got to the point where I was really not happy with where I was at, so what was there to lose, really? I ended up meeting the most genuine, compassionate people in this group and now I can truly say that I am happy. I found a group of amazing people who I know are good people that I want to be surrounded by.
I don’t want you guys to miss out on what I have found, so learn from my mistakes and don’t let those irrational fears hold you back. I could have been surrounded by these people for a whole year but the fears got the best of me. Don’t let that happen to you. People are more welcoming than you would expect.
But if I were able to give advice to my younger self, it would be in the times that loneliness manages to sneak it’s way into your heart, seek solace in your friends, family, and church. Don’t go running to someone no good for you just because you’re afraid to be alone. Remember your worth.