The Meaning Of It All

Recently I’ve spent a lot time thinking. Like a whole bunch of thinking. Like a substantial amount of just, I guess, reflecting.

I’ve stated this before in my post about loneliness, but I still find it to be true: our conversations nowadays are built on a foundation of superficial small talk, lacking authenticity, depth, & meaning.

With my mind being consumed with these deeper reflections, I can’t help but feel unfulfilled when engaging in these surface conversations.

Sometimes I wish I had someone who understood what went on in my mind.

——

I find myself searching for answers to questions that just can’t quite be answered. And as I continue to seek out these answers that are no where to be found, the only word that comes to mind in terms of how I feel is: uncomfortable.

I question the meaning of it all. ‘It’ being life. Why were we put on this earth? Do we have a purpose? If so, what is my purpose? Am I doing what I’m supposed to be doing? Am I currently where I’m supposed to be?

I’m not scared of death per say but I do think about death and what happens after death. I’ve lost two people in my life and I guess you could say these experiences played a role as catalysts to this ‘existential crisis’ I seem to find myself in at times. It’s more curiosity than a crisis, I’d say.

It just doesn’t make any sense to me how one day, these people, or any other person for that matter, could just not be here anymore? One day they were present in my life and they’re gone the next. Is there an afterlife for them to run off to? Where does their ‘consciousness’ go?

The deeper I delve into these thoughts, the more my head hurts. I just can’t seem to find these answers that I’m seeking and I’m afraid I never will be able to.

There is such a transient essence to this one life that we are given. Everything is temporary, and nothing is definite.

This gets me to thinking: if nothing lasts forever, is there even a meaning to anything at all?

I’ve talked to my mom about this topic numerous of times, and every single time without fail, she reminds me that I need to take a step back and seek God. She’s right. I know she’s completely right, but yet I continue on this journey alone to try & figure it out by myself.

I try not to get too lost in my thoughts regarding these deeper reflections of life because I know it does nothing but cause me angst. But at times, I just can’t seem to help it..? I just can’t help but to feel like there has got to be so much more to our lives than just the physical, you know?

Cindy

 

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5 thoughts on “The Meaning Of It All

  1. In my view, the only meaning of life is the meaning that you give to it. The sort of person you are, the things you do, how you influence others – this is what each life ultimately means. As the old saying goes, life is what you make of it. Forgive me, but being an atheist I do not see any god as the answer, nor any external thing or person as the answer either. The answer to what life means is within you. Like any other living thing, you are on this earth for a limited time, and it is a wondrous gift that you have been given. Enjoy it, believe in yourself and use the gift you have been given. Life is what YOU make of it.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi jennyandsteve,

      Thank you for your comment, I always appreciate and love reading your thoughts. I love the perspective you give on making life what you want it to be!

      Cindy

      Like

  2. This crisis you’re going through sounds difficult. I do hope you can come out of it knowing more about who you are and how you feel as a person. I agree with you that people worry about superficial things- but in many ways its what we evolved to do. It brightens my day to know that there are competent people like you out there that are willing to question the use of the superficial.

    Personally,
    I fall in a similar line to Jennyandsteve. There doesn’t seem to be purpose in life unless you make one. We are each of us a small moment of order in a rapidly entropic universe. This precious moment of consciousness is the one way we know of that the universe can know itself- we are in a sense momentous in that we can think, see, feel, and even ponder our origins. But every search for meaning comes to the same place: life only has the meaning you assign it.

    I’m sure what I’ve said doesn’t help. But I do hope you can find what you’re looking for. And most importantly; keep writing my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Alexander,

      Thank you so much for your kind words and thoughts! You’re right that life has the meaning that we give to it. I guess it’s just sometimes I try to find a deeper meaning but to no avail.

      Cindy

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Best of luck to you in any case, Cindy.
        The world is a complicated place just as beautiful as it is an ugly mess. I hope it shows you a lot more beauty for a while longer.

        Thanks for replying.
        -ABK

        Like

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